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"Harvest Lake" dir. by Scott Schirmer


"Harvest Lake"

This movie is terrible. I wondered if it was a porno about 10 seconds before it literally revealed itself to be a porno.

Normally I would immediately abandon a movie like this but what kept me going was the absolute comedy of it all. This actually should be submitted to Redlettermedia's Best of the Worst.

It's sooooo awkward. It's basically non-stop softcore porn done in the most cringey ways possible. I honestly would be shocked if the people that agreed to act in this don't feel a great deal of shame and regret currently.

In the midst of the horrible sex scenes, it becomes an experimental film about half way through with weird slow motion/warping effects and endless shots of a river. To be fair the shots of the water were the most competently done shots in the whole thing. But to be even fairer... the likelihood of those shots being stock footage is damn near 100%.

The film ends with its big Lovecraftian money shot as the entire cast fornicate with a papier-mâché eyeball monster.

I was convinced while watching this that it was somehow helmed by a horny teenager but it's even worse to find out it was made by a fully grown adult human being named Scott Schirmer.

A movie like this requires 2 scales:

So bad it's good scale:
8/10

For real though scale:
0/10
 

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